Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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