he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
