Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
