Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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