New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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