She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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