If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
