Well douche your snatch and let's go!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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