im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
