I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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