i don't like sucking hair
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
