Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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