Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
