I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think a kid would responsible me up
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
