if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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