hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
