you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
