somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
pray to the hookup gods
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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