You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
