i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
