That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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