dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
