literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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