he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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