I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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