I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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