hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
