I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
