i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
