I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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