and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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