So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
