This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
