The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
