The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i out mim tonsoeep
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