remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
