she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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