christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
