just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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