so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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