i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
