the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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