the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
