I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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