Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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