i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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