3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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