Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
