She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
