You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
