can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
