I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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