Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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