i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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