I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
